Prophecy

How do people establish self-esteem?

I have been thinking that there are no short cuts to achieve goals. Thus, self-esteem is a consequence of what you have done. But not all people treat it that way. Building self-esteem first, and thinking how to close the posture you have constructed might be another easiest way to thrust things further.

Preparation does not always respond to the consequences.
Sometimes people are required to be a prophet.

Japanese and drinking

The best way I should do now is to stop drinking. If it sounds like someone is in alcoholic, I would not deny it. Although I am not that alcoholic (I think), I found some cans of beer or a bottle of wine empty in the kitchen in the morning. My husband and I drink too much.

Alcohol eases one’s front lobe. But at the same time it damages one’s hippocampus gradually but surely. Hippocampus supports memorizing; therefore the body requires to sleep to reload the memories from hippocampus to the master brain.

I need to keep my brain ready and refresh for all new things: new words, new philosophy, new sentence structures. I was thinking a glass of wine would help human relax and make even more flexible to activate the impulse among synapses. With all those excuses for drinking has confined me to stay away from alcohol.

People says Japanese drink too much. I totally agreed on that, but it did not intend to put myself in the same group of drinker. I was listening the sound of bells that someone churns very far from here. Suddenly the sound ascended by the reality, and it rang the bell over my head. Then I realized that my body was long sucked in the smelling swamp.

Here is the time to stop the bell.

Very Latin feeling

It has been 5 days since I wrote the English post last time. It is not a good movement. Probably, within once every three days would be the best or least to improve writing, if I take it very seriously.

A writing book said that “very” sometimes makes weaken the word power. If I add very to the sentence, “I was busy”, it will be “I was very busy”; it sounds the word “busy” stands out in different meaning. If you are really busy, you would not have to put “very” in front. Adding very, then, turns to soften the busyness in order for you to convey the whole sentence modestly.

ANYWAY…

April has just started. Six months from now, I will be taking a graduate school examination and submitting the graduation report three months after that. And one more challenge is waiting, Latin. I found the Latin class in the syllabus this year, yet I have not decided 100% whether registering it or not.

Relative pronoun's obsession

The professor said that relative pronouns are the most grammatical difficulty, which was left over behind the conquest for second language learners, and I totally agreed with that. Especially for Japanese, the style of modification in English is distinct from what Japanese normally construct the sentences.

We manage this long sentence: “the beautiful woman who lives in Japan” in Japanese as well. But if the sentence goes this long: “the beautiful woman who had dinner with me yesterday lives in Japan”, that would be hard to memorize about what was supposed to modify at the very beginning. I am not a grammarian, but something is significantly different from English on this point.

Many people, however, do not remember the differences between “which” and “,which”.

The book I learned today about the chapter of relative clauses says that the latter (with comma) gives us extra information about the person or thing, which means you already know which thing or person signify the “which”.

The example, “the beautiful woman who had dinner with me yesterday” does not tell who she is without the relative clauses because there are thousands of beautiful woman (including myself, perhaps) in the world. This is why we connect the clause with “who”.

If the sentence is as “She is Jane’s sister, who had dinner with me yesterday,” Jane’s sister is already identified as the woman whom you know in the sentence before at the relative clause. Then the following sentence after the relative pronoun “who” takes a role of extra information.

Both two are confusing, for it favors the grammar test. I sometimes forget “that” is not allowed to use in this case. After today, I will banish those mistakes from my writing forever.

June wedding

I have been struggling with old literary expressions in a novel these couple of days. Especially the killer is adjectives. “Shiny” turns to be glistering, resplendent, dizzily, burnishing and more. Each of them may not differ much, but they are different. It is true headache, but I need to keep doing until it ends. I cannot abandon it since this novel is going to be my graduation thesis anyway. The author concealed humongous theme behind her intricate language. Therefore, it is a clue to consider the reason she drew each words. That is not easy for a second language leaner.

 There was a line mentioning a season.

“It was fragrant early June.”

This sentence may not sound realistic to Japanese because our June does not a fragrant month. It always drizzles and even cold, and it is mere chance to see blue in the firmament. I tried to imagine which month is fragrant in Japan. It probably is April or May, definitely not June. From this sense, wedding in June becomes the least suitable choice for couples, however it is still popular here. How influential the Wetestern myth is.

The Times has come in my life.

It is an honorable moment that I have applied to subscribe the New York Times. The New York Times allows us to view free twenty articles until the end of this month. Starting next month, they reduce it to ten articles. It looks like I have reached twentieth articles today.

Everybody may ever think about whether it is worth to pay the fee for online subscription: which one should I read? I have thought about that to pick either The Wall Street Journal or The New York Times. It would have definitely been the Wall Street Journal if I had applied it a year ago since I trusted more in the numbers. It does not mean I lost the reliance to the result of economic activities; it is true that business paper pictures now and current. Somehow, mostly causing my literature work, I see the current has faded into uncharacteristic world with dead people walking.

In the book review section, I found a critique of Harold Bloom today. How exciting it is! I revere him as one of the literary genius. The first surprising was that he is still alive (sorry, I was thinking until today that he was one of the legends like Ezra Pound). He should be over 80 years old now, and he is a Jewish American.

The article will amaze me the rest of the day.

Protect from enemies

My husband loves going to dentist. One reason is that he had an implant surgery long time ago. Not only having it checked, but he seems enjoying to have his teeth washed, and he boasts his lustrous teeth.

One of the American professors threw the question that Japanese do not go to dentist unless they have had a serious problem. He said American have their teeth cared periodically regardless of their aches. I think there are some class differences among the USA where you belong. Professors are obviously in the higher class with medical insurance, for the fee should be affordable level as Japanese pay the bill at dentist.

Japanese may have less sense of prevention of diseases. Or I should say, Japanese may have less sense of protect ourselves from the disaster unless it appears in front of their face or your bodily insured. This nationwide lack of prophylactic is costing right now on a fear against sustainable health insurance system. Protecting yourself is the fundamental notion that human would have. Unfortunately it looks Japanese do not.  We are unconsciously deprived of living coarsely at some point. The way we stand-up by ourselves, the way we live alone lightly.

My husband says he is going to have the whole teeth washed, which means a high pressure nozzle wash the mouth from upper palate to the lower teeth is using some medical liquid (I do not know what it is). It is the ultimate oral hygiene. I have claimed that frequency cost us since he does it once every three months.

“You use money whatever you like, I want to do it whenever I go to the dentist.”

Rational.

I just bought some clothes to wear in spring (women need to change the clothes every season!), and I go to a beauty salon once every three months. Recently the frequency dropped from two to three because I have no reason to care its beauty just for sitting and studying at the quiet desk where nobody talks. His haircut costs 2400 yen every months, which is quite cheap. Mine is 16000 yen, including cut, perm, color and treatment. I have no reason to argue him on spending the high-pressure cleanings. He protects himself, I don't.

American mothers vs French mothers

I have no kids, and I am not an American, but French wisdom is always welcome to any countries.

Today, I received a book from USA.

Bringing up Bebe

I needed to create an new account for this order since it was not the item of Amazon Japan. Although it took 18 days from the date of order, that is rather acceptable to me.  What I was curious about was how they decide which books to sell in Japan.

It looks now this book is available in Amazon Japan. Did I compare the price? Of course I did, and it did not disappoint me at all. It revealed the price of Amazon Japan has already taken considered the shipping cost.

It is completely my general image of American people, however they seem to be fascinated by European lifestyle even in this century. There were several moment that I felt it when I was reading the literature history. It reminded me some similarities of how Japanese are attracted by French things. I would think this translation is going well if I jump to the conclusion.

The Dishwasher sigh

I am glad this blog has gotten one + from someone.
No matter how small number of people read this blog, I believe that keep writing is the most important to me.

Most of the apartments have had installed a dishwasher in the kitchen. I have a dishwasher installed in my apartment as well. The dishwasher positions at the one of the wives luxurious appliances thanks to advertisement; however, some people say it is waste of money using dishwashers because they never clean the dishes at one time. The price of dishwasher is less expensive than ipad if it is a standalone type. Even the installment types are surly competitive with TVs or DVD players. But most of the people have feeling of guilt to use it. They explain the cleanser is expensive; water is not cut down than they imagined; noisy; powerless washer. Besides the various reasons, they seem comfort to wash the dishes by hand, and it is the most arguable part to me.

Psychologically, they say, using their time works practically efficient with family budget than using a machine. Psychologically, they add, less dishwasher usage has been “definitely” cut down electricity. The image I pictured a woman sitting in a dark room that light bulbs have been taken off except one and not using the floor heating system which warms perfectly up in the whole room. She may prefer using Kotatsu (a table with heater that is covered by a blanket to warm legs) in the dark room. Or she would have calculated exactly what the most economized life was in the super-modern era.

Once they decided to buy a nice apartment with modern fixture, the contradiction has started. Spending humble life is self-esteem, I would say. It is totally other people’s business, but I sometimes feel their excuses not using those new products (even they purchased!) come from anxiety about modern life, not come from that they are stingy.

Japanese are imprinted not to overuse utility services such as gas, water and electricity. Everybody like the parents, the teachers and the company you work obsess you not to spend much at anywhere. The education system creates economy, though people believe it is a kind of mindset or a nice habit.

The consumer market is shrinking in Japan because the generosity has already been deprived from them; instead, people has come to seek how to live with minimum possessions and minimum prosperity. Japanese started soaking themselves in austerity. Even purchasing one dishwasher cleanser obsesses them whether it is reliable and reasonable. They have dropped the greedy life long time ago.

I use the dishwasher everyday. It does not mean I am not a humble person, and it means I simply do not believe in the “psychological effect” on saving electricity. If I had to do dishes by hand, I would have not bought this apartment, not the dishwasher.

And I was a kind of kid who did not listen to what adults say about the rules.


- Ellen.



It is hard to distinguish both two product, isn't it?
From my experience, I personally recommend you Joy (the left). Its washing power
is amazing. But I mistakenly bought two bags of the right!
The package problem happens everywhere even in domestic.

A product of P&G

a product of Kao

A writing teacher in internet

Reading through the books page of the New York Times is becoming my intellectual habit. It would be the best if I could print them out and check the verbs they use, which clears off the given language to anybody. Using the appropriate verbs is most difficult yet worthiest approach to improve writing. Theoretical truth, however, is often inaccessible for elemental leaners. Nonetheless, I throw myself in such category on English writing.   

Giving an answer to the life-test, I continued reading book reviews for time to time in about a month.  A month ago, since the professor advised me to find the literature critic whom I want to copy the writing style from, I was looking for such a person in the articles. It looked very long journey and looked impossible forever. But there, I found the best person, Michiko Kakutani.

Ms. Kakutani is a well-known book reviewer of the NY Times, which I did not know her name until yesterday. Once I read her article, every words seemed vivid and holding the power that stretch the arms to grab the reader’s neck, so did my neck. I did not realize her name when I read it on my PC screen, and then the familiar Japanese name Michiko jumped in my sight when I read it in my smartphone in the train. She is a second generation of Japanese-American, living in NY. And more surprisingly what I found was she made a lot of critiques to Philip Roth, John Updike who are all familiar to me. Knowing her background more on internet, I had to admit my ignorance here again.

Now she was nominated to my writing teacher. How wonderful the internet age is!

I hope someday, soon would be much better though, one of the professor comments as, “Your writing is quite similar what Michiko Kakutani does”, would be the great compliment on my writing.

You can check all her current articles in this URL.

The east coast

I found an interesting article in the local paper said an international foundation advertises for an intensive summer English course to be held in USA. The paper was issued for citizens by the local ward office, one of the periodicals,  and was in the stack of newspaper in our house to be dumped soon. It was rescued coincidentally.

Two things attract me after reading this article; one that is for adults aged between 21 to 65, two that the location is in the east coast of America. In addition, it looks the half of the tuition is covered by the ward office.

The desire that I want to immerse myself in English is quite serious. In regards to this school, since it is not an official ELS attaching to the university, they would pursue fun side of speaking English. Although that is not my final intention to stretch my English, such occasion might be rare one. Besides, I have the summer vacation stand-by in this year. But I could not just feel exciting seeing this ads, and I do not know why.

Imaging a new thing is always a mind adventure, however the truth is we are too comfort to stay in the accustomed area. Each step I am making towards future is slower lately. Hardly does choose a book to read, nor does select meat to be cooked for today’s dinner. It is definitely not a series of deliberate action, yet it is too prudent in determining something. It sometimes makes me feel tramping the ground not going either forward or backward, and the image of unleashing and going forward is still blurred in me.

Then at the next moment, I will know the desire I carry in myself can go nowhere.

Nowhere even to the east coast of America.

Remember, you are odd.

There are some simple but difficult words leaning English for Japanese. Commonly we have gotten through the words in junior high by grammatical approach. The word “remember” is one of the perfect examples to measure how they understand verbs. And it is often tested like this format: (1) I do not remember taking photographs, (2) I do not remember to take photographs, asking which one actually did take photographs. And we will be learning these two differences. But I was long thinking why this type of verb seem to be difficult for us. Why does “remember” is not as easy as think, check, ask, or even support?

The word “remember” does not exactly equal with what Japanese use as in remembering something. In Japanese, most of the people frequently use like, “I do not remember you”, or “I remember what I did”, which conveys to keep the memory you just had with you. When I was self-studying with a grammar workbook this morning, there is a sentence like this, “He can’t remember going to Miami when he was eight.”

This sentence reads the person (he) cannot recall his memory that he went to Miami when he was eight.

Here comes the difficult part. There is a great distinction in Japanese between “to keep the memory” and “to recall the memory.” In fact, they are two unique words. The former means to have learned something, which becomes the memory soon, in Japanese Kanji. The latter means pulling out something by thinking of. Therefore for Japanese, the English word “remember” firstly emphasizes what has kept in their memory already not what is going to pull from their memory since they connect “remember” to what they have learnt. On the other hand the meaning of “recall” tends to be forgotten unless they just use recall instead.

How could “keep” and “recall” denote that they are in “remember?” Another example might be inadequate to use here, however eliminating any political meaning, “Remember Pearl Harbor” does not only mean to keep it in your memory. It probably stresses to recall it from your memory, which rather dynamic and reachable.

Remembering “remember” needs extra work for Japanese.

In the above sentence, “He can’t remember going…” does not instantly appeal that he cannot recall his memory instead it throws an odd feeling as if this person has a serious brain damage to keep his memory or amnesia. If anyone who use “remember” in meaning of recalling to Japanese, it might be good to pay attention whether they were ready to recall it.

Being faced with...

A small confession.

I was avoiding touching English, especially in written English for a coulple of days. Speaking and writing cannot be improved both at the same time. Writing English stretches our literacy tremendously, which I knew it already, but there always be some steps in front. And I knew that confronting those steps would help me with not winding up the valley to the English. Sometimes Spoken English annoys me.

Some people are easy to be influenced by others. I am a kind of the one. And I am giving you some reasons. Yesterday, I have started reading Beloved (1987) of Toni Morrison. It is told a genuine work, but I fear to face with the language that Morrison uses. It made me completely forgot what the grammar should be, and I was about to write, "I don't know nothing." It is a part of culture of English. Yes, English is a cultural consequent which enable more than two people communicate each other, yet it is a different story to practice English. Therefore it is crucial paying full attention to the sentences.

Beloved is a story of black woman who lived as minority in America, and who had wounded by long suffering slavery. The reason I picked up this book in my reading lists, and it has become almost an assignment that I owe to myself, was that if there are any similarities and differences which may precondition among the minority writer’s writing: specifically between Afro-American’ and Jewish-American’. So far, my choice of the books should be consistent. Starting from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), passing through Faulkner’s Light in August, not forgetting The Awakening (1899) of Kate Chopin (1851-1904), the southern journey landed at Toni Morrison. I read in the original English except The Awakening, and I realized how important reading in English is since the greater part of the story of The Awakening is lost from my memory.

Today, I am going to organize a stack of books in front of me.
There is nowhere to walk without thrusting my way.

March 11th

Turning to March sounds warm. Even it is a cold rainy day, or it is like a cats and dogs.

I am pretty happy with starting a good Monday today. I was lackadaisical last week. Nothing grabbed my interests. It could be one reason that time is approaching towards 311. In usual year, March 11 must be a warm and cherished day to celebrate coming the brightest spring. But the thing that I contemplate in my mind was that how they are going to celebrate their birthday who were born on March 11. It is very considerable matter. I myself hold a similar feeling on my birthday because an aircraft crashed and more than 500 people died on that day. It happened on my sixteenth birthday. Since then, nationwide people goes into mourning around that day.

Life is short. All mortals shall live vitally as long as Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos decide our fate.

Weakness

The essay was returned from the professor. According to her comment, I should state the topic sentences strongly and clearly especially in subject-object relationship. Probably my sentence do not say the subject clearly first, then the reader will have a problem where to land as the object. And composing strong topic sentence requires to choose the right verb in there. Her comment put me in the writing chaos again, but it made me be aware of my weakness.
Tough, tough, tough.

Party dresses

Watching the fashion at Academy Award, I thought how American culture is attached to the dresses. From high school to the friend’s wedding party, they wear lots of dresses, and I always wonder why such nice custom was not imported to Japan from the US. Neither do we have dance parties, nor do any occasions that have us wear the dress except friend’s weddings. Maybe the Bon dance was supposed to be the one where a man and a woman meet in the ancient Japanese custom. I merely see it recently. Wearing Yukata (casual Kimono) is not common for Japanese anymore.

Anyhow, we buy a cheap looking dress which is made of polyester only for those occasions that hardly happen once or twice a year. I have ever attended the friend’s weddings less than ten times. Buying dresses do not worth just for sitting, eating and watching the bride and bloom. We do not dance at the party. There is no chance to come into direct contact with other person at the wedding party.

When I was a child, we were taught how to dance at elementary school, which is called “folk dance”. They said that this “folk dance” was introduced by GHQ (occupying forces of the Allies after the WWII). So we had a possibility to have similar dance party if things went well then. But the Japanese government forced us to do the “folk dance” as a course of physical education. Consequently the dance was going to be the most boring exercise in my life. Why did the 8 to 12 year old boys and girls have to dance by order? Moreover, the dance itself was not the one American people do, and we danced Hungarian or Ukrainian. And here’s the worst thing. Since I was a tall girl in the class, and the number of girls were over than boys, I sacrificed myself to act boy’s part for girls. It was a tragedy. I wonder that recent elementary school students have been forced dancing. I hope this nonsensical curriculum has been vanished forever.

Melbourne Hotel

I want to write about my trip to Melbourne from time to time.
For the starter, here is where we stayed.

The residential type of hotel is wonderful.
The hotel we stayed has a small kitchen with cutleries.
If anyone who is thinking to go Melbourne, you might want to consider Fraser Place, which is located a few steps away from  La Trobe St near Carlton park.

Fate

I am feeling that fate directs me towards the Jewish American literature world.

When I returned from Australia, an e-mail from the professor of writing was waiting for me. It was saying that there are some old books that she gives me.

A week ago before traveling to Melbourne, she said that I could pick the books I want from the shelf. Those books do not belong to her technically, for a retired professor who studied the Jewish American literature quite a long time left them on the shelf. There are no scholars in my university who studies Jewish American literature. So those old books are waiting for me.
I found American Tragedy of from the shelf which was published in 1949, and it was the 1^st papaerback printing.

Poems

See how the orient dew,
Shed from the bosom of the morn
Into the blowing roses,
Yet careless of its mansion new,
For the clear region where ‘twas born
Round in itself incloses:
(On a Drop of Dew)

The poems of Andrew Marvell are impressive. I learned nine of them in this semester.
On the first day, I regretfully thought that I should have not registered the class.
It was too English to me. I could not identify any of grammatical word order between the lines.
But the sweet scent of flowers and grass hidden each lines somehow attracted me, and many American authors felt the same way as I did.

I encountered at least two of his poems used in the literary work. I wonder how current university students in USA learn these classic poets.Poems sharpen language.  Maybe this is the reason one of my friend likes to read Japanese One Hundred poems.

Those who are interested in them, check this site. There all one hundred poems are translated into English.

http://petals-and-moon.blogspot.com/

An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser

Unexpectedly, I got this paperback.

Look at the published year.  It is truely an old book.

Once I've finished it, I am going to make a summary of this book and little more about Theodore Dreiser.

Systematic

Yesterday, I got a chance to talk to the professor who teaches me in the writing class. She is American. I did not know exactly what I should have talked with her.  I just wanted to get some hints to my writings.  She said I would be a good writer if I improve my writings more the other day. It delighted me a lot, but at the same time, I wondered how I could improve my writings. How.

I have been tring to make an appointment with her since the middle of January, and finally I made it yesterday.

We discussed many things, of course the discussion started from my writing but it was beyond more than that. Her suggestion is this; If you like writing, you should write in English as well for practicing.  I told her I have been writing the blog in Japanese for quite a long time. And she asked me why I never thought about writing in English. That's actually very right question.  If I say I have never thought about it, that would be a lie. Yes, I knew it, at least since last summer, I recognized that writing is the key to strength my English by any meaning.

So this is the first post written in English.

I will write like this diary like post, but the ultimate goal is to write more like academic journals about American literature, history, culture and so on.

The professor suggested that I should be systematic to be a scholar, because it is said to get Ph.D in literature takes forever. Literature major students are apt to be disorganized due to the characteristic of literature itself. Fiction, or either nonfiction, is created by human imagination from the first letter to the last period at the final page. We cannot count or organize human feeling orderly.

There must be enormous other reasons, but these are major reasons, I guess.

Being systematic sounded good to me. I have 20 year working experience that forced me to be efficient and organized at anytime. I have been wondering how I could emphasize my background in immensely academic field since I became a university student. Sometimes, or most of the time, my passion of learning was beaten by marvelous energy of still adolescent girls in my university, envying their spongy brains.

Now I found one goal thanks to my professor.

And this blog will attach and see me how I improve myself.

About me

This blog tracks learning process of my work, Amreican literature and surrounding area. The goal is to pratice and improve writing skills in English for my graduation thesis and further dissertations. I am 42 year-old Japanese woman who came back university in 2011.
Attention: Do not blame me even if I write wrong in English. This blog is a kind of my exercise track.
All your heartful comments would nurture me.